Where Else

I don't like this, this ever-growing cycle of negativity. It's ugly and it's cold.

But there's no other way. I can't say how much it hurts. I can't say how each beat labours against my chest. I can't say how it feels to lose that breath, that life. I can't make it go away. I can't give some reason, some meaning behind it. I can't make it stop.

So this is my canvas. These words are all I can do.

Nothing can stop this repulsive, retching spew of of ice and burden and evil. Nothing can quell this shivering fear.

So where else shall I do this? Where else but here.

I can't tell you

It hurts. There are no metaphors or similes to twist the feeling into, to give it a meaning deeper than it already has - it just hurts. It aches and it stabs and it makes my head feel empty and light. It makes the world change, become less real. It's a little bit like a dream, the feeling in my head. But it still hurts. I can't change the hurt.

I don't know what it is and that irritates me. I know where it is, I can pin-point it almost exactly. I can tell you what happens when my heart beats faster than it should and what happens when the air refuses to fill my lungs. But I can't tell you what it is.

I can't tell you how much pain I feel or how tight my chest is and how cottony my throat feels. I can't give it metaphors or images. I can't compare it to something you'd understand. I can't tell you because I don't understand. And it irritates me. And I'm scared.

It hurts. And I can't turn it into a story. It isn't one.

Friendship

Fast friends, that's what you could call us. There was a certain pull that drew me to you, I needed to come to you. And I did. You were always so accommodating that I couldn't help but stagger back to you. You opened yourself to me and I you. You didn't care how my hair looked or that I wasn't properly dressed, you just waited. You're loyal - I can't imagine you being so with anyone else but I know you could, your kindness is boundless. You ask for nothing but I know I must pay you back some how, you don't refuse me when I do, you just wait until I'm finished. I can't help but feel you smile afterwards, you appreciate everything. You're truly self-less. A true, loyal, ever-giving friend. Cherished and loved.

It's a shame you're a sink.